Cyber stalking: An Art!!

It’s a favourite pass time especially if you have unlimited wi-fi and a subject you are terribly interested in. It’s hobby but other times its downright necessary. Yes, cyber stalking. It’s an art and science. It’s a new field that you can’t afford to be sloppy at. If you are going to do it, do it right. So this is me giving rules to cyber stalking.

The first and most important. You do not for any reason whatsoever like or favourite the said person’s posts. That is a rookie error and there’s no room for sloppy here. That is evidence that you’ve pried around.  It’s basically the same as screaming ‘pardon’ when eavesdropping on a conversation. Rule number two. Be calm. Like really calm. That way you’ll avoid previously-mentioned slipperiness. Here’s what to do especially if you are stalking cute guy or cute-guy-you-liked-and-dated-and-ended-up-breaking-up-with-but-you-still-adore’s current girlfriend. Put emotions aside; this task requires you to be devoid of emotion. Focus is the word. Make sure you don’t have sweaty hands that you’ll blame for errors. If your happen to have them, powder them. Or have tissue nearby.
The third rule of the game is to be in a private place mostly because most people do not understand the art of cyber stalking or stalking for that matter. You’ll be considered a freak which we all know is not the case. But you see, doctors don’t discuss confidential matters in public neither do detectives -which you are at that time- discuss a case in the full hearing of everyone. So here’s what to do. If you have a favourite coffee and cake shop, sit at the corner table where no one will bother you. Or you could do it in your bedroom – all locked up away from the rest of the world. Do I hear someone say mobile data is expensive? Well nobody said privacy came cheap.

The fourth.. Shades!!! Very important mainly because well, detectives always wear shades. This is on because of the cool factor. And everyone feels cool in them and it creates an air of privacy. PS: They should be dark… Nobody bothers anyone with dark glasses. It’s just how the world works. Then for those with glasses…I feel you especially because I belong to this family. But here’s the thing we get away with so many times because we give the impression that we are geeky and serious and don’t want to be bothered especially when we are working on our gadgets. The rest of the world thinks we could be changing the world on our gadgets and so they don’t even think of bothering us. So we are good without shades. 🙂

And lastly and this is very important: you do not EVER write anything down. Not even to show your best friend. If you don’t have photographic memory, create it!!

PS: If the person you are meant to be stalking has nothing on the internet; say has no social media accounts, not even a Facebook account at the very least then they are downright boring. The world has moved too far ahead and embraced social media for one to not be on any. You are better off not knowing anything about them.

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