Gone to soon

Maybe

Gone for me

Perhaps

My otherworldly phantom

Always

Hovering in thoughts unaired

Forever

Loved Feared Worshipped

You are eternity.

#nkima

(yes you can read this from the bottom up too)

Everyone’s always rewinding

Reversing…and going further back

Trying to relive moments

That should only now be a memory

Maybe not forgotten

But maybe, just maybe

Maybe not a yearning

 

I’m always forwarding

Looking for ways it’s going to be

Different yet the same

Tomorrow, the day after

The next hour still

Any instance that’s not lived yet

Is a time for a’planning

 

Nobody’s only playing

For sure

Looking back on yesterday’s transgressions

Counting on tomorrow’s failures

We are

Not looking for the pause button

Only waiting for that inevitable stop to end it all.

#nkima

It’s the flurry of emotions

It’s all I feel

It’s the draw to have you close

Yet  keep you farther still

I don’t need this dilemma

But oh how I crave it

 

It’s the flutters that strike

It’s all you

It’s the need to have you

Yet not want you so

I don’t care for this uncertainty

But oh how I desire

You.

#nkima

Maybe it’s time to let go.

See what the unknown holds. It might be better, it might be worse. Certainly the outcome is the only thing we are unsure of. I do know that it’ll be different.

You’ll find other amusements: more delightful distractions, worse sorrows even!

Because, such is life.

But at least you won’t be living on the edge of something unknown: where you know of the irretrievable past and yet, can only guess at the unobtainable future.

At least you’ll be living in that moment in time. Existing. Collecting memories of occurrences over time rather than counting the mindless hours as they pass you by.

You definitely won’t be hanging onto that wing for life and hoping it stays that way.

You’ll be holding that wing to lift you through life and knowing it will not stay the same.

I see you.

Don’t you for one second think there’s nobody watching. I see you…holding on;

with the last tenets of your strength, holding your breath because you couldn’t dare to have that next one be the tick that knocks the ball out of the park.

You were there in the heart-warming gooey times. I remember, just as you do. The smiles you shared, the laughter, the glow of unbridled happiness. Sigh…

But that’s the point, it happened in the past. Right now, well, you’re struggling.

You’ve blamed yourself, tamed yourself, questioned yourself. You’re sure that it’s still you ruining the equation. Surely, nothing that beautiful could disintegrate and crumble so quickly, so…easily!

Maybe you’re fighting so hard that now, amidst losing this, you’re losing yourself too.

Don’t you ever feel like your wings are clipped off and you never can launch for the skies.

Don’t you ever feel like your legs are chained down and you’re too heavy for flight…

Always know that you can launch into the sky and fly…fly far above and away and beyond and..back.

Above all, always know that you can fly to me and I’ll always be waiting, and you can fly from me and I’ll still always be waiting.

I just want you to fly, or know that you can, and deserve to fly!

Fly on, little birdie!

Maybe my biggest mistake was trying to cage you, when you’re a bird and flying is what you’re meant to do.

Maybe, in trying to keep you to myself, I was afraid that if the rest of the world saw it too, I wouldn’t stand a chance.

So this is me letting you go, so you can launch for the skies and explore their vastness.

Some day, I might get my wings and fly too, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll meet, if only for a fleeting moment.

But for now, fly, little bird. Spread your wings and leave joy in your wake.

I will forever be grateful for the time we walked together…

for your heart

to posit all the flurry of emotions

to exorcise and let go

to settle that beating drum

worry that you feel

too little, too much

put a  real word to that meh

write

#nkima

for your mind

to exert that swirling inexplicable energy

to give it a place to thrive

to push yourself further

recall the last time you grappled

to find a word to describe

a thing, a place, a thought, a sensation

write

#nkima