Maybe it’s time to let go.
See what the unknown holds. It might be better, it might be worse. Certainly the outcome is the only thing we are unsure of. I do know that it’ll be different.
You’ll find other amusements: more delightful distractions, worse sorrows even!
Because, such is life.
But at least you won’t be living on the edge of something unknown: where you know of the irretrievable past and yet, can only guess at the unobtainable future.
At least you’ll be living in that moment in time. Existing. Collecting memories of occurrences over time rather than counting the mindless hours as they pass you by.
You definitely won’t be hanging onto that wing for life and hoping it stays that way.
You’ll be holding that wing to lift you through life and knowing it will not stay the same.
I see you.
Don’t you for one second think there’s nobody watching. I see you…holding on;
with the last tenets of your strength, holding your breath because you couldn’t dare to have that next one be the tick that knocks the ball out of the park.
You were there in the heart-warming gooey times. I remember, just as you do. The smiles you shared, the laughter, the glow of unbridled happiness. Sigh…
But that’s the point, it happened in the past. Right now, well, you’re struggling.
You’ve blamed yourself, tamed yourself, questioned yourself. You’re sure that it’s still you ruining the equation. Surely, nothing that beautiful could disintegrate and crumble so quickly, so…easily!
Maybe you’re fighting so hard that now, amidst losing this, you’re losing yourself too.
Many people complain about everything they don’t have so much that they completely ignore everything they actually do have. I was one of those people for the longest time until it got old. Because it’s pretty surreal having not one, but two people who think you are smart, beautiful and cool- especially when those are the last adjectives you would use to describe yourself in that moment.
We make an odd trio, my girls and I. To the outside world, we seem… Hell I don’t know how the outside world would look at us because we can’t quite explain it ourselves. The oddest things make us happy and the silliest things tick us off. Our relationship is not anywhere near obsessive as many might think. We actually do have lives outside each other. Fulfilling, happy lives. But it’s always a party when we do link up. Our definition of a “party” being the occasional laugh when one of us finds something hilarious online and making fun of it for about all of three minutes before going right back to it. Or meeting up for lunch and airing out all our dirty laundry, only to be reminded by a quiet chuckle that we had company. Said company would attest to the saying that “Being a third wheel to lovers sucks but there’s nothing worse than being a third wheel to best friends” (or in his unfortunate case, fourth wheel) So you might now have an idea what I meant by “odd” trio. Leticia, Angela and I.
She has a flair for drama although she denies it every chance she gets. But it’s why we love her. She’s also as loyal as it gets. She’s the kind that will tell you you’re prettier than your ex’s new girl, even if said new girl is Jennifer Aniston. Recently, she’s had a lot going on and I’ve, well, not. So naturally, I felt a tiny bit ignored until I mentally kicked myself for being needy. On Valentine’s Day eve (apparently that’s a thing these days), I wasn’t feeling too great- I had just had a tooth hacked (yes, hacked!) out and it hurt like a bitch- so I was depressed at my lack of Valentine prospects (HA!) and feeling sorry for myself because of the pain, when she just showed up. Out of the blue. Unannounced. Unexpected. I was moved almost to tears till I reminded myself that this was Leticia. That she did this kind of thing. And that I was a fool for doubting for even a second that she’d always come through for me- for anyone that’s lucky enough to call her friend. She was content just sitting with me and explaining to me all the processes that were currently taking place in my mouth (Note to self: In next life, convince her to stay away from any course medicine related). The girl can drive you crazy with all her medical jargon. But I didn’t really mind this time, because she was here! My best friend was with me and that in itself was therapy enough. Which is only fitting because the moment she left, I went right back to counting the hours before my next painkiller fix. That’s what Leticia is. A balm. She has that presence that automatically soothes. Her clumsiness that we give her constant hell for, her dancing (refer to previous comment) , her speech that sounds like rap song to the untrained ear, her sometimes indiscreet comments that earn us disapproving glances, all add to her natural charm and to the darn near perfect package that’s her.
Being a Physicist myself, I’m in no position to disagree with the experimentally proven statement that “like poles repel while unlike poles attract” that people seem to have adopted into their lives and relationships. But Letty and I prove otherwise because we are like two sides of the same coin. Granted, we do have our differences like (thank you lord!) our taste in guys, but for the most part, we like the same things and people. Usually, if I have taken an instant dislike to someone, I will not be embarrassed to discuss it with her because more often than not, she’ll feel exactly the same way. We have the same taste in music (and this is not a very good thing because my music is what sets me apart from the rest of the world), the same celebrity crushes, even the same taste in clothes we’ll never wear -as of yesterday (ok maybe not never, we’re on the right paths to being stinking rich). When I feel low, it’s almost a given that she won’t be having the greatest day either. It also helps that we were born 13 days apart, a fact that she never fails to rub in my face because she turns a year older a handful of days before me. It’s easy with Letty. We don’t have to try too hard. Most times we don’t even have to try at all! And that fits right in with my latest motto that says “Take the path of least resistance”.
Angela and I are a bit more complicated. As she said, we are different-as-night-and-day-yet-overwhelmingly-similar. She has a plan for her entire life while I wing it. Uncertainty is terrifying for her while for me, it’s an inescapable part of life. She wants to travel and see the world and she’s already making good on that while as much as I want to see the world too, ain’t no way I’m doing it alone. She will say what she feels, the consequences be damned, and I’ll try to spare everyone’s feelings. She’ll think every situation through from every angle before she decides, and I’ll dive right in. Her favorite song on Ed Sheeran’s album “X” is “The Man” while mine is “Thinking Out Loud”. Our similarities may not be as glaringly obvious as our differences but subtle as they are, they exist. Take our commitment phobia for one. Mine comes from previous bad experiences though, while hers stems from living vicariously through me. So it’s safe to say, we’re so alike, we feel each other’s pain (or she’s just a wuss). We complete each other’s sentences. Or thoughts. It’s scary how much this girl knows me. She will see a smiley that “seems out of place” and know that something’s not right. (Who does that?) I can confidently say that this girl knows me better than I know myself sometimes and also that she was the first person I called my best friend and meant it. I read somewhere that every tall girl needs a short best friend. I am glad this one is mine. She has seen the pretty parts of me and the nasty ones. She’s seen my mom go off on me (and that is some scary stuff, trust me) she’s seen me heartbroken, irrational, petty, she’s seen it all. And still thinks I’m beautiful or as she puts it “a 10”. I look in the mirror and I see a far cry from it, but she looks at me and sees Shakira. One of my fondest memories is a night we had a sleepover at my place and we alternated between reading novels and watching “Veronica Mars” and only came out of our bubble when my mom woke up to prepare for her day the next morning. That is our idea of a good time.
Angela lives on another continent but she’ll know about things happening at home before we do. So it’s no surprise that she was instrumental in planning my 20th birthday- From China. Who ever said out of sight is out of mind? Where Letty soothes, Angela reasons. She’ll find an explanation for EVERYTHING! It’s one her many talents. Just like she can wriggle out of any situation, the slippery little thing that she is. Put her between a rock and a hard place and she’ll bargain her way out of there. She also stands for what she stands for and she will not go against her principles for anything or anyone. She has impartiality down pat. Many times I’ve wanted to scream at her that I’M her best friend, like, woman, take MY side for once! But level headed as she is, she knows that I don’t mean most of the things I say when I’m mad so she refrains from feeding the fire. And although she’s usually always right, she has never once muttered the dreaded “I told you so”. So granted, her love may be tough at times but it’s just the love that I need. The love I love.
Well well well…. Me. That will be a story for another day.
What’s a given though, is that I wouldn’t be anywhere in the vicinity of where and who I am today without these two. My best friends in real life and on social media. People with whom I share everything. Laughs, sorrows, food, icecream, family. People who take me as I am and don’t try to make me reflections of themselves. Because I already am. My soul mates.
While some people are out buying roses, candy and mouthwash, and others sulking at the lack of romance in their lives, I will be doing neither because as long as I have these two, my heart is as full as can be. So here’s to my valentines. Today, and always. (Of course until I find a suitable replacement. Y’all are pretty great placeholders though!;))
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Don’t you ever feel like your wings are clipped off and you never can launch for the skies.
Don’t you ever feel like your legs are chained down and you’re too heavy for flight…
Always know that you can launch into the sky and fly…fly far above and away and beyond and..back.
Above all, always know that you can fly to me and I’ll always be waiting, and you can fly from me and I’ll still always be waiting.
I just want you to fly, or know that you can, and deserve to fly!
Fly on, little birdie!
It’s a favourite pass time especially if you have unlimited wi-fi and a subject you are terribly interested in. It’s hobby but other times its downright necessary. Yes, cyber stalking. It’s an art and science. It’s a new field that you can’t afford to be sloppy at. If you are going to do it, do it right. So this is me giving rules to cyber stalking.
The first and most important. You do not for any reason whatsoever like or favourite the said person’s posts. That is a rookie error and there’s no room for sloppy here. That is evidence that you’ve pried around. It’s basically the same as screaming ‘pardon’ when eavesdropping on a conversation. Rule number two. Be calm. Like really calm. That way you’ll avoid previously-mentioned slipperiness. Here’s what to do especially if you are stalking cute guy or cute-guy-you-liked-and-dated-and-ended-up-breaking-up-with-but-you-still-adore’s current girlfriend. Put emotions aside; this task requires you to be devoid of emotion. Focus is the word. Make sure you don’t have sweaty hands that you’ll blame for errors. If your happen to have them, powder them. Or have tissue nearby.
The third rule of the game is to be in a private place mostly because most people do not understand the art of cyber stalking or stalking for that matter. You’ll be considered a freak which we all know is not the case. But you see, doctors don’t discuss confidential matters in public neither do detectives -which you are at that time- discuss a case in the full hearing of everyone. So here’s what to do. If you have a favourite coffee and cake shop, sit at the corner table where no one will bother you. Or you could do it in your bedroom – all locked up away from the rest of the world. Do I hear someone say mobile data is expensive? Well nobody said privacy came cheap.
The fourth.. Shades!!! Very important mainly because well, detectives always wear shades. This is on because of the cool factor. And everyone feels cool in them and it creates an air of privacy. PS: They should be dark… Nobody bothers anyone with dark glasses. It’s just how the world works. Then for those with glasses…I feel you especially because I belong to this family. But here’s the thing we get away with so many times because we give the impression that we are geeky and serious and don’t want to be bothered especially when we are working on our gadgets. The rest of the world thinks we could be changing the world on our gadgets and so they don’t even think of bothering us. So we are good without shades. 🙂
And lastly and this is very important: you do not EVER write anything down. Not even to show your best friend. If you don’t have photographic memory, create it!!
PS: If the person you are meant to be stalking has nothing on the internet; say has no social media accounts, not even a Facebook account at the very least then they are downright boring. The world has moved too far ahead and embraced social media for one to not be on any. You are better off not knowing anything about them.
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